When I moved to Santa Cruz last fall I decided to distance myself from a certain group of people from back home in Los Angeles. We’d all get together, drink, smoke and do drugs in high school. It’s probably the only thing that brought us together. Sure, we liked some of the same bands or watched the same movies but no matter what we did it always involved drinking, smoking, or drugs. It was all vapid. When I decided to be sober, they never hit me up. I wasn’t bothered much anyway, I had a boyfriend at the time and was busy with community college. I was sober for about 4 years; I’d drink occasionally but not much else. I saw them here and there at parties but I would rarely frequent parties…
I eventually started smoking occasionally and found myself hanging out with them a little again. They always were, this was nothing new, but it was the first time I realized that they were all racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, and misogynistic. Maybe I realized it because I was learning more about myself and more about social justice. I was disgusted at them for being almost proud of who they were and seeing no error and how they live their lives. I was disgusted at myself for ever associating with them.
One in particular - the other only girl of the group - proclaimed to be my best friend. Being friendless much throughout middle school and high school I gladly accepted this title. I’d also never had a best girl friend. All my other best friends are guys. We always were different, but I had fun going out and hanging out with her. We were a little closer than the rest of the group. Hanging out with her didn’t always involve alcohol or drugs. But it always did involve her telling me about all her problems, which always felt one sided.
One of the last times we hung out, we got into an argument about body hair and feminism. I realized she was like the rest. She said and I fucking quote “Feminism is turning men into pussies. I don’t want a man to feel emotions, that’s my job. He needs to be strong and listen to my problems and my emotions. Feminists are just a bunch of fat, hairy, angry lesbians.”
I decided their friendships (if I can even call it that) was detrimental to my life. They’re detrimental to each other themselves.
Cutting the guys out of my life wasn’t too difficult. I just stopped and they never asked. The only one I expressed my full opinions to the girl. She asked why I had been avoiding her and I was honest and truthful. Till this day she’s never replied.
So here’s to my first summer without those ignorant fucks. I’ve always had other wonderful people in my life and moving to Santa Cruz has brought more great folks along for the ride.
So last night I met Naoshi and she asked if I was an artist and I said yes and then she asked if I had a business card and I said no and then I died a little inside.
I’m no artist. I’m just a joke. -___-